march 19 and more

Verse 5 

“A false witness will not go unpunished,
       and he who pours out lies will not go free.”

Verse 9

“A false witness will not go unpunished,
       and he who pours out lies will perish. “

I find it so interesting that the writer speaks this line twice. Why does he speak this line twice? Does each line have the same meaning to it or does each line mean two different things?

I am just warning you this post is going to be something that might hurt some people but it is something i can not get off my chest. I lay at night and think of these things and they just wont go away. This post will be very honest and open to my inner feelings. You may see anger, you may see brokenness, you may see passion. I am not really sure what else will come out but i promise that it will be raw and uncut.

 Everything in my life has been really building up. I have been having all these thoughts and emotions just sitting within me and i am unable to get out. I hold them in fear of hurting others or being outcasted by certain groups. But i can not go on with my life anymore until i get these thoughts out. I refuse to hold them in.

Up to this point in my life, I have always seen God as this far off thing that i have never been really intimate with. God has been this thing that everyone else has fed the image of instead of me seeking Him out and finding his true identity. People speak all these things about him and it has molded my vision of him.  I am not really sure when i reached this point in my life, but i decided it my turn to mold my vision of Christ. It is my time ti find the raw and uncut Jesus. The Jesus that really did love all people, the Jesus that really did forgive all people even those who put Him to his his blood bath on that cross. So this next few chapters will be about everything on my heart, the good and bad.

Let’s start with the “bad” i guess you can call it. I really want to call it the fake or the lies. In my journey so far, i have learned the Church we put forth today in this country and the image we put forth of Christ to the rest of the world, is totally screwed. Am i saying that every image is screwed, no, i am saying that what i see on a daily basis of Christianity is ridiculous. And the worst part about it is that on a majority basis, they believe that this is the true and real image of Christ. Actually before i go any further, i want to say that i do not have it all together nor do i know the truth to everything. I do know my heart is not right with the way we do things and my heart will not stand any more for the way we do things. So back to where i was. I am really frustrated with so much of “Christianity”. I do not know why we do “Church” the way we do. I do not know why we preach these messages that mean nothing to any-ones life. The last thing i want to hear anymore, is a  four point sermon. Why do we put on this image of looking nice on Sunday when we really should be wearing is torning clothing that is falling apart and it almost beyond any repair. This is the way our lives really are. Shredded in every way and looking for something to sew us back to the beauty we once contain and hold somewhere within us. I long for the day that people walk into the Church in their worse shape and everyone is ok with it. Nobody is turned away at the door. As much as every Church says they wont turn away people, they do. Have you ever wondered why you don’t see prostitutes and murders sitting in the chairs at your church? Because the door is not open to them. If the door was open to them, then we would see them coming in their torn and beat up clothing ready to healed for the week. Our Church is not doing the job they are supposed to. When is the last time you have seen your homeless level decrease in your area, or when is the last time you have not heard a story of a single mother not struggling to pay the bills each month? But now how many time have you heard of some church building a multi-million dollar building? Why is that so many Church’s want to build these buildings but yet their are people within their own congregation who cant even pay their own bills and there is nobody there to help them. Have you ever heard of a Church who no longer helps walk-in people because they have been burned by so many of these walk-in people? But is it really our duty to judge whether we get burned or not, or is it our duty to give those in need and show the very love Christ gave to everyone he encountered? I just dont know what we are doing now days. We are paying people to do ministry when we could be helping people get out of the horrible conditions they live in. When did ministry become a paid position? We are paying these people in some cases in the six digits, when if we probably combined all that money from many pastors, we could make a huge dent in poverty. Why have we forgotten so many different groups of people? Is it because the people in leadership no longer struggle like the rest of the people? Imagine if you had someone who is homeless leading a Church, do you think he would be encouraging his Church to build a new million dollar church or do you think he would put that money to building places where people could live to get a new start? I am not sure what drives the Church anymore. Where do we get these ideas we put out?

I get so sick of talking about what we are doing wrong. But maybe Christ has put these things on my heart so i may be the voice for him. Maybe it is someone’s calling to bring forth the truth that has been lost. Because the more and more i go through this horrible struggle, i am findind more and more out there just like me. People who wish everyday they had a bigger voice the Christian faith as a whole. But i think that the day is coming that Christ will make these ideas a clear picture to each heart in this faith. I hate having all this disappointment in the Church. I really do. I dread talking about it but i believe it is time for a new reformation voice to be heard. I think it is time to help mold the Church to something it should be in this day of time. It is time to love and do things the way Jesus did them. It is time to just simply leave each line of the bible. Let’s stop living our interpretation of each line but just simply live each line the way it is written and is. Let’s just open our hearts to a new movement, one that will bend and stretch you. People are hurting and burning to the depths of hell each day. Time is no longer an option. The time is now to move forward to the world back to Christ. To take the love of Christ to each door on this planet. It is time to build water wells, it is time to feed people, it is time to dress people, it is time allow people to live the life they were intended to live. Please just take the Gospel forward to all those who lost the image of this beautiful man named Christ. His blood is still bleeding but we must pick up the blood and cover ourselves with it ready to cover others in the same red.

I will leave you with one last story. There was a man who was traveling across the country of America, and he was on the search of the life that American’s live. This man comes from a small village who has never really seen much about the rest of the world. So as he is crossing the country he stops to have dinner with a group of Church leaders. While the dinner goes on, he asks if it is ok to bring over a friend to the dinner. The Church leaders say yes of course. So he does that, it just happens to be that the person he invites over happens to be a working prostitute. As soon as the Church leaders see who is here, they excuse themselves from the dinner to head home. They walk away from the very people Jesus spent most of his time with. So I ask you not to walk away from the very journey Jesus walked. The worst thing about that story, is that it put on national television in a world wide movie. You never know who is watching or who will eventually see your actions.

All i ask is that you bring forth the true Jesus and his true love.

p.s. please feel free to comment, negative or positive. I am open to new ideas and thoughts. I am jsut a 20 year old kid who is searching for the Truth in life.

march 5

I have really struggling to find meaning to the last two chapters. To me it just seems like he keeps repeating the same thing about wisdom just in different forms. The only real things that kind of stuck out to me in this chapter were in verses eighteen thru nineteen.

I so often forget to cherish and adore my beautiful fiancé. It is so easy for me to fall into this place of where I got her in the bag and my work is down (for a lack of a better phrase). I don’t remember that she still has emotional needs and things that need to be met by her partner. I lose sight of the real goal. I really think the real goal is to show love in a way that is pleasing and fulfilling to god’s purpose of love and marriage. I work so hard at perfecting so many other things in my life but I do not ever work on making our relationship better because I have this feeling of it wont leave. I really need God to remind it is by his grace, I am blessed with such an amazing and beautiful fiancé. She usually gets put on the back burners to my needs and wants and I forget how to serve and humble myself to her life also.

I have one thing to do now. I know my fiancé will probably read this so I will write an apology to her because I am so much better at writing things then saying them in person.

I am so sorry for my selfish and lack of interest in our relationship. None of this is because I do not love you or that I do not care about you. It is about me losing the focus of my life. It is about my horrible understanding of what it really means to love you. I promise to make leaps of faith to further our relationship to a level we have never been. I need you more than you know in my life. You have been a rock in my life and someone who I know I can always turn for love. You have shown how to stand strong in the midst of someone having trouble loving you back and you should be proud. I am sorry. I love you more than my actions can show. I am committed to you and your life. I promise to share with you every moment of my life forever. We will walk hand-in-hand to the ends of God’s great earth to fulfill his purpose. I love you little turkey.

february 23rd..

this chapter did really two things for me.. the first is that it has so much great advice.. i think you should read as everything in this chapter is analogy to something in life.. i didnt read it as it really is.. i read it is an analogy to certain things in my life.. so it applied to a lot of things in life and did something good things for my thoughts on each one of these subjects..

the second thing it did for me was made me think of my father.. in case some of you did not know, my father passed away in 94′ at the age 31.. so the reason this made me think of my dad was that i could see this as something my dad would have written before he passed on if he had the chance.. the sad thing is he didnt have the chance.. he had to die of a sudden and harsh death.. if you are seeing in my writing that i am angry about his death, you are right.. to be really honest i am still really upset about it.. i just dont know how my god could take away my father.. how could he take away someone who loved his family and tried his damdest to provide a good life for us.. how could he just leave my mom, sister and i alone with nobody.. i am so upset deep in my heart with god about this.. i know all of you are thinking, i know it is hard but life happens this way.. i understand that.. i now that some people go before others and we dont know when our time has come.. but i also know that my family suffered for many years because of this.. we went through stages of being very poor.. we went through all the stupid men my mom would meet.. we went through hating each other.. we went through my mom going to a hospital because of her depression.. it ripped my family to where there was almost nothing left to rip.. and all we wanted in this whole thing was my dad back.. i didnt want to be rich, i didnt want another great guy to come in my mom’s life, i didnt want my mom to pull out of depression.. all i wanted was my dad back to share in my life.. the closer and closer i get to getting married in august, the more and more i realize that there is this piece of me that is gone and now only exist within my body somewhere in my thoughts and heart.. i will never be able to hug my dad when i get married, i will never be able to listen his speech towards my new bride and me and i will never watch my mom and him dance again.. but one thing i will do at this wedding is carry his name and legacy.. i will always remember my dad but i promise to live out the best of what he gave me.. i will show the world what he was able to do for only 31 years.. i will dance with my mom.. i will give a speech to him on my wedding day.. and i will hug his spirit that day and show him this new beautiful piece of my life..

dad,
wherever you are.. just please know that i really wish you could be here in my life.. i miss you more than anything in this world.. i wish with all that i am to have you back but i know that where you are, there is no end to beautiful days.. i hope dad that i do something that is beyond anything you would ever imagine.. i am trying my hardest to take care of mom and keep that daughter of yours in some sort of line.. but we are doing good.. we are making it.. something we thought we could never do without you but we are.. but we will never forget you.. and i look forward to that day when we will meet again.. i will never let go.. i love you..

a new journey..

my good friend gibby has made a challenge towards me.. he asked me to read through the book of proverbs.. each day i am to read a chapter of proverbs.. i am to select this chapter by the day of the month it is. for example, today i am to read chapter 23 because it is the 23rd of february.. so for the next month or so i am going to make an attempt at reading every chapter for that day and journal at least something about it.. i was going to just write a journal but i thought that it be a bit better to just share with everyone where i am at in life.. i want to be open and free with my life.. i am tired of holding things in and i am tired of putting up a show.. so this will be a journey of my openess and vulnerability.. enjoy..

worship..

What is worship?

 Why do people limit worship to music?

 Why does there have to be corporate worship and worship? Shouldn’t worship just be labeled worship no matter what form it is in?

 

Please comment your thoughts.. I will continue to search for a peaceful way to answer and then i will write again..

tearing down the walls..

a few years back, willow creek community church announced its vision for “chapter 2″, which included  a building expansion costing tens of millions of dollars.. my heart sank.. many of us in the evangelical church, both within and outside of the willow creek community, voiced tremendous concern about the new venture.. i chose not to speak publilcy about it, but anytime i was asked in private, all i could do was weep.. it broke my heart.. i began writing back and forth with folks in leadership at willow, including pastor, bill hybels, whom i deeply respect..

i did a ton of research on tithes and offerings in scripture, and discovered they are unmistakably intended to be used for redisturbuting resources to the poor and not to go toward buildings and staff for the church.. i quoted the church fathers and mothers, who had much to say about the shameful use of church offerings for anything other than jubilee redisturbution.. tertullian, justin martyr, augustine, irenaeus, basil the great, and gregory of nazianzus, jerome, john chrysostom, aristides–all attest that the church offerings are to be given to the poor as their right.. ambrose, on becoming bishop of milan, melted all of the objects of gold in the temple, saying, “the church has gold not to store up but to lay out and spend on those in need, for would not the lord himself say: why didst thou suffer so many to die of hunger?”

i expressed to the leadership of willow creek in solemn earnestness that i feared our church is guilty of theft and embezzling from the poor.. and i told them a story about our catholic worker friends.. when the catholic archdiocese decided to build a multimillion dollar cathedral, our catholic friends decided to kneel in prayer in front of the bulldozers.. they were eventually arrested, which led to a tranformative conversation that included not simply church leaders but also the poor and marginalized.. i mentioned in good humor to the folks at willow creek that i had no plans to “lock down” on the bulldozers, but the urgency demanded that we fast and consider the cost in terms of our global neighbors.. so we did.. i went on to remind them of the early days on christianity, that when there was not enough food for everyone to eat, the whole community would fast until all would come to the table together.. we considered doing a prolonged communal fast on the site of the new building, to remind ourselves of the cost.. bill and i wrote back and forth, wrestling with the weightfullness of this decision.. the greatest thing was that no defensive walls went up.. all of this was done with deep respect and gentleness.. in fact, it was an attempt to tear down the walls that keep people isolated from each other and trapped in the ghettoes of wealth and poverty.

shane claiborne “the irresistible revolution”

i have really just been quoting out of this amazing book but this quote is more that just a quote for me.. this has more meaning to my heart that you could imagine..

i used to attend this dear church in burleson.. this church is where i “met” jesus,(which i really think i met jesus already but i never had a name for him) this is where i was baptized, this where i was led and led in the gospel.. this is basically where my spiritual journey began to take meaning.. this is where i began to establish my interpretation of the good news.. i met many great people there.. i learned to love many great people there.. after about two years of going there, the church released a plan to build a new church.. a mutli-million dollar project with everything you could imagine.. i will have to admit, i was extremely excited about this.. we were getting a new gym, workout room, a big sanctuary, tons of classrooms, elevators, coffee shop, and a youth building for themselves.. all of this pleased me.. we were going to be that mega-church.. the big church that when people drove by, they would stare for a few seconds.. just the “church..

as the months began to go by, i slowly felt my heart move away from teaching the youth, away from the routine i went through, and away from the people.. i really could not explain why i was doing this.. i didnt really know why i was doing this.. i just wanted to get back into that comfort zone of being there..

after about a few months of my heart shifting, i met this guy at a coffee house here in our town.. we sat and chatted about the reason we live and the reason our hearts are moving.. it was not until that night in the coffee shop that i realized what really was happening.. i realized that i was not happy with this thing they call “church”.. i was fed up with it.. so much was revealed in my heart this night.. so many things came out that i didnt know i could put into words.. things that i felt in my heart but never really had the courage to say and never really had the words to say it with..

from that night forward my heart was never the same.. i eventually left the church after a couple of weeks in prayer and started to hang with this group who was feeling the same feelings as i was.. we talk often about this whole theme and what we should do with this knowledge we know..

the day that all this stuff i had been going through came all together and felt like god really did say all this to me was thanksgiving evening.. a group of my friends and i had an idea to take food and blankets to homeless in the downtown ft. worth area.. we knew that many people probably had this idea during the day so we decided to go after dark.. so we took off on the journey.. after an hour or so of not being able to find anyone, we were getting back in our cars when a gentlemen came walking by.. we stopped him asked him if he could use some food and some blankets.. he had nothing on him.. he had a jacket.. so we got him what we had.. and he thanked us..

that was all fine and stuff but that is not where god really had my heart.. yes we gave him the stuff he needed but we also did the thing that i think most people miss, we sat and talked with and loved him.. my group of friends (about 12 of us) sat on the side walk next to our car and listened.. he spoke for a while and really just layed his heart out there.. as we sat there, my heart was beating so fast, my heart was also weeping so hard.. i could not help to cry because there are so many more people like this when there really isnt a very good reason why they should be there in the first place.. after he finished laying it out there and we spoke for a while to him, we prayed together.. he wept and some of us also wept..  in that moment i knew everything i had done to this point was ok now.. this moment for my life had more many than pretty much anything i had done with my life.. i didnt care if he decided to burn us with all that he said.. i just knew that i obeyed christ.. i followed his foot steps to what he really did.. what he really believed in..

as the night when on i couldnt stop thinking about this encounter.. i could not stop thinking about me missing the point of this jesus thing.. i was called to love people and i had not been able to do that.. i had not been able to do it the way christ really called for it..

father,

i am so sorry for missing the point.. i am so sorry.. my heart aches to think that there is so many people out there who aren’t getting the love they are so in need of.. father i might get really persecuted by the church for things i say but i really truly believe that we missing the point.. i don’t want this frustration towards the church but i know in my heart that something has to change.. father i will not pray for a revival, i will pray for a transformation for the church.. the revival will come after the transformation.. the more and more i continue to meet people, the more people i see moving deep in their heart to this frustration.. as these people begin to rise to the surface, i ask you to give us the heart to just love the church and gently hold them.. i know this is your will otherwise there wouldn’t be so many people feeling this way and so many hearts moved so deeply by this.. this is real and i ask you to show more and more hearts to it.. let them encounter things that will show them the way.. father i just want to love.. i don’t want to be part of this political jesus anymore.. i just want to show people what it really means to love.. please father let my life be an example of love..

one that last thing, i never thanked you for tom, i know you sent him and i know you are doing great things with him like you did with my heart.. please continue to use him. we to often over look those who really hold your truth..

super sized church..

bigger is better, so we hear.. we live in a world that wants things larger and larger.. we want to supersize our fries, sodas, suv’s, and church buildings.. cities build bigger stadiums and conventions want to draw the biggest crowds.. amid all the supersizing, i want to make a modest suggestion: our goal should be not to get larger and larger but to get smaller and smaller.. i thing of the kingdom of god as bubbling up from the bottom rather than trickling down from the top.. contrary to the patter of the world, it is like a mustard seed.. to enter it, we must become like a little child.. god is indeed taking over the world, but it is happening through little acts of love..

there was a majestic megachurch in the time of jesus.. people flocked to it, hoping to meet god there.. they brought all kinds of stuff in the temple market, hoping it would bring them closer to god.. and yet it is in the middle of that religous market that jesus flips the tables and drives out the money-changers.. he rebukes the religious elite who take the last pennies of homeless widows to build their palaces for god (mark 12:38-44).. when the disciples stand in front of that temple marveling at its gargantuan beauty and saying, “what massive stones! what magnificent buildings!” he quickly admonishes them, saying, “do you see all there great buildings?…not one stone here will be left on another” (mark 13:1-2).. (and we wonder why people hated him so much..)

it is this monopoly on the sacred that jesus dismantles as he redifines the temple as his body, as our bodies, the mystical body of christ.. there is something precious about corporate worship, but corporate is whenever two or three of us gather with god.. we must resist the acient temptation to centralize worship, especially at the expense of justice for the poor.. the human-made temples will be split open, and no stone will be left on another, as jesus says.. (and of course, the powers, looking for an excuse to excute him, accused him of threatning to destroy the temple..) acts 17:24 reminds us that god “does not live in temples built by hands..” the scriptures remind us that that we are god’s temples, that the spirit lives in us.. and in a very special way, as jesus says in matthew 25:40, in the least of these, we find jesus in disguise.. perhaps we are just as likely to encounter god over the dinner table or in the slums or in the streets as in a giant auditorium.. of course, suggesting that god doesnt need this million-dollar megacathedrals is the sort of thing thats gets you in big trouble..

shane claiborne “the irresistable revolution”

p.s. i am going to continue to share great things from this book till i cant share no more and when that happens, it will be time for people to take action on what they know god is saying.. blessings.. search the heart for more than they show you..

smaller is better..

the scriptures describe the early jesus movement like this: “we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless…. we have become the scum of the earth, the garbage of the world” (1 cor. 4:11-13).. our context is quite different.. we live among the wealthiest people of the world (top 2 percent), a tough mission field.. we are preaching a gospel that declares that it’s easier to fit a camel through the eye of a needle than for the rich to enter the kingdom..  but look on the bright side.. after we preach the crowds down, we will not need such expensive buildings.. and of course, in a christian culture shopping for the cheapest grace, the temptation is always to tone things down a little bit.. people will be more comfortable  around a domesticated jesus than the lion of judah..

and yet whether it’s the prayer of jabez or the war in iraq, many christians seem to be hoping that the kingdom of god will come in triumphal greatness, expanding god’s territory and taking ove the world with glory and power–shock-and-awing the masses if you will.. but that’s the very temptation jesus faced in the desert, the temptation to do spectacular things like fling himself from the temple or turn stones into bread, to shock the masses with his miracles or awe them with his power.. and yet he resists.. the church has always faced the same temptation, from the time of constantine’s sword to now.. we are tempted to do great things like rappel from the rafters in the newest church gym or throw the best pizza party so that kids might bow before the altar..

but amid all the church-growth tacticians and megachurch models, i want to suggest something a little different: god’s kingdom grows smalled and smalled as it takes over the world.

 shane claiborne “the irresistable revolution”

two..

i have had a few questions on my mind and i want to pass them on to you because maybe these questions are really for you..

did judas make into heaven..

if you go to church, does your church look like the acts church (the first church).. if it doesnt, then why do you still go.. what do they do that makes you feel like they follow god’s plan for church..

iraqis lost too..

the tradegy of the churches reaction to september 11th is not that we rallied around the families in new york and d.c. but that our love simply reflected the borders and allegiances of the world.. we mourned the deaths of each soldier, as we should, but we did not feel the same anger and pain for each iraqi death, or for the folks abused in the abr ghraib prison incident.. we got farther and farther from jesus’ vision, which extends beyond our rational love and the boundaries we have established.. there is no doubt that we must mourn those lives lost on september 11th.. we must mourn the lives of our soldiers.. but with the same passion and outrage, we must mourn the lives of every iraqi who is lost.. they are just as precious, no more, no less.. in our rebirth, every life lost in iraq is just as tragic as a life lost in new york and d.c.. and the lives of the thirty thousand children who die of starvation each day is like six september 11ths every single day, a silent tsunami that happens every week.. 

shane clairborne “the irresistable revolution”